My 100th "New Beginning"

And so....here we are again. My heart on the floor for the 100th time in the past 8 months. And i think this is FINALLY the last straw. The last time i'll go crawling back to him. And the last time i'll keep thinking of ways to get him back. Its just ridiculous. If he really wanted to be with me, he'd be with me. I'm nothing but a friend to him now....why should i stick around? I'm only regressing further and further back into a deeper hole. What does thinking about them two together and what theyre doing help me any? What does comparing myself over and over again to her do for me? We are completely different people and you can't compare that. We're both attractive but we both have our own good qualities. Things didn't work out with me and him so move on! Move the fuck on Jen. he's not brad pitt or jude law or johnny depp or something! I'm better than that and i deserve so much more.....but i dont know why i hold on. I am holding on to him for dear life because he is the one person who respected me for who i am. Respected my thoughts and interests and actually listened to me. But other than that he didn't give me the love i wanted and needed. But how come he couldn't hold my hand in public? How do i get over that fact that maybe he is happy with her and maybe he thinks she's the one? How do i not care about that?....so many questions that i really shouldn't even be asking.....where's the truth when you need it.